All of us have made some real blunders in life….it's what we do with them that counts!

Posts tagged with "daddy"

My son is growing up so fast. I look back on the time we have been together and I am always amazed at how quickly the days pass. One day soon I know that he will be grown and he won’t need me that often. I try to enjoy each and every day as an adventure. I want to believe that things I do now with my son will help him be a better man and hopefully a better father.

My son for whatever reason had chosen to call me, “dada.” Most children by age three and half have long since given that up and moved on to saying daddy. I had always considered the name, “Dada” my safety net. It was my personal way of gauging his growth. I am realistic and knew a time would come when my name would change but it doesn’t make any easier.

I am happy that my son is growing older. I am also very sad that my son is growing older. We only have one child and the prospects of having another are bleak. Just to have one son the amount of time, energy and emotional expense that were placed on my wife and myself were great.

My wife and I took Xander upstairs tonight and he of course tried to slow down the process as much as possible. Tonight though he caught me off guard. I am not easily caught off guard but he has a way of finding just the right thing to say or do.

Me: Okay Xan get in bed. (I am sitting in the rocking chair in his bedroom)

Xan: DADA! Rock me! (starts walking over towards rocking chair)

Me: Alright for a minute.

Xan: Daddy! Sing to me! (crawling up into the rocker)

Me: You want daddy to sing to you? (hiding sad expression)

Xan: Yeah! Daddy sing to me. (smiling)

Me: Daddy will sing too. (sad expression still hidden)

You will often read that men aren’t supposed to be sad or emotional. I happen to know that’s not true. It might be true that we have tendency to try to hide emotions better but we still have feelings. I know tonight I didn’t let my son know I was sad about him confirming that I was daddy and possibly no longer “dada.”

Children have many milestones to get through on their road to adulthood and this was a personal one that I placed for Xander. I don’t know what the morning will bring and if I will still be daddy or dada but I can tell you on July 2nd, 2012 at 9:30 pm my son called me daddy and meant it. Now, I guess I look ahead for him to call me dad.

1 point Xander for being my son, 1 point daddy for allowing Xander to grow up.

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A letter to my father:

Dad,

I know it’s Father’s Day today and I wanted to take the time to say thank you.  We have had our ups and downs (often what seemed like more downs than up) but you taught me a few things that I can never repay.

As I look back on my life I know you and I are of different generations but our hearts want the same.  We both want the best for our son’s.  You did the best you could while I was growing up.  I know you have told me more than once your best wasn’t good enough so I wanted you to know for any wrongs you feel responsible for, please don’t.  I am a man now dad and I don’t want you feeling any shame in things from our past.

As we both have gotten older, we have mellowed.  I am no longer that sad, little boy or the angry young man you knew.  Dad you are no longer the father I saw as incompetent.  You gave me permission to be a better father than you were.  I have the same hope for my son and want him to be a better father than I am.  You can see that you and I aren’t so different we both want things better for our son’s.

I understand you couldn’t be there as much as you wanted while I was growing up and that’s okay.  It wasn’t long ago when your grandson was born and you told me not to live my life with regrets about things I didn’t do with my son.  When you told me that I made a promise to my child that I would live each day to the fullest and I would do my best not to regret anything. Life is too short to regret so please don’t have any yourself either.

When your grandson falls down and hurts himself.  I am there to pick him up.  I never tell him it doesn’t hurt and I hug and give him a kiss to try to make it feel better.  I have told him it’s okay to cry and that sometimes even the toughest men cry.  Growing up, I can say, I did see you cry upon occasion.  You let me know that to be a man sometimes there is strength in showing emotion.  We have emotions and its okay to show them and now I am teaching Xander he can cry and be okay about who he is.

I have no doubts that you love me.  I have no regrets about our past.  I am living each day to make memories.  My life will be full of happy, fond and rich experiences from my son.  Someday, when I am very old, I want to look back on my life and say, “Damn it I lived.”  People will remember me for the man who made it count and didn’t take things for granted.  You gave me that aspiration.  You gave me that dream and hope, so I thank you for that.

I am telling you all of this for a reason dad.  I know the days are long gone when I called you daddy but please remember you didn’t fail me.  As a child, mistakes happened but I grew up and continued to make mistakes for a long time.  As an adult no one is responsible for those mistakes but me.

Time passes though and one day I opened my eyes and knew that you had always been teaching me even if it was from your mistakes.  You are the one that taught me about being a better father, to strive for my son to do better than me, not live in regrets and that men aren’t always so strong.  I want my son to know from the beginning I am human and I will make mistakes.  So, on this Father’s Day, I want to say thank you and I want to say to you, “Daddy, I love you!

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